If You Want a Grateful Child, Be a Grateful Parent
Helen Keller once said, “I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
Sounds cliche’, but it’s a sad reminder that we live in a world where self-pity is a regular part of life.
Too often we focus on what we DON’T have, not what we DO have.
Modern inventions have made it easier than ever to have more stuff. Long are the days of getting by with a little, reusing plastic baggies and washing tinfoil. If you want something, just go to Walmart and get it. Cheap, overseas-made items are bountiful everywhere you go.
Our grandparents and great-grandparents had to make do with less, yet they seem more contented with life. Maybe it’s because they appreciated what they had, a behavior that seems to be lost in this modern world.
Have you ever met a surly child who doesn’t ever seem to be grateful for what they have? Constantly complaining that others have what they want, jealous of other children?
Or maybe you know a child who always has a pleasant disposition, thanking teachers and parents for everything, courteous to others and just nicer to be around.
These are learned behaviors, good or bad.
Children who seem to be naturally kind are taught how to be grateful for their blessings, rather than jealous of other’s possessions.
If you are looking for ways to try to instill those same traits in your own child, you will need to teach them ways to express their gratitude and be an example to them.
Children are naturally selfish people.
As they grow, they learn impulse control, empathy, rational decision-making and self awareness. Most of these characteristics are part of the natural development in children, however, much of that is environmental also.
Children that are taught situational awareness have a greater chance of growing into adults that are more empathetic and appreciative of their life and possessions.
And studies have shown that people who exhibit these behaviors tend to have better health of mind and body, less stress and better decision-making abilities. Happy children become happy adults. Fortunately, you can teach children these lessons. Here are a few ways to help develop these traits.
Gratitude Journal
Have your child write down things, people or activities they are grateful for, such as a friend who shared a toy, a visit with grandma and grandpa or a good grade on a test.
This can be a daily or weekly activity but it teaches them to be mindful of how life can be good in ordinary ways. We aren’t actively thinking about these types of events but this will put a focus on them so they can see all the ways their life is blessed.
If they are struggling to come up with ideas, list your own blessings so they can see them from an adult perspective. With a little guidance, you can help them be conscious of all the different ways life can be beautiful.
For a fun activity, they can fill out this Gratitude Tree.
This is a great way to make it fun while learning. The journal can be used regularly and the tree activity would make a great exercise for Thanksgiving or as a homeschooling project. Make it a game and they will be more interested in participating.
You can also have them draw out their favorite things or people. Visualizing these blessings is a great reminder of what God has provided for us.
Helping Others
It goes without saying that being exposed to someone less fortunate is a great lesson in humility.
When we are complaining about not having something we desire and then come in contact with someone who has much less than us, we experience a feeling of empathy towards them and it puts it into perspective how blessed we really are.
Taking the focus off oneself is a good way to direct our attention towards charity to others.
Try taking your child to a shelter or volunteering at a charity. Seeing others in need prompts us to want to give of our time and money to help someone else. Exposure to these types of scenarios will be a lesson they carry with them through life.
As they grow, whenever they start to feel resentment creep in, they can think back to those moments of charity and realize how fortunate they really are.
Giving to Others
Donating personal items is also a great way to instill charity.
Sacrificing for someone else is not only good for that person, it’s good for our souls too. God commanded us to love our neighbors. What better way to do that than giving something we cherish to another person in need.
This self-sacrifice gives us the opportunity to grow in love towards others. Making another person happy can also teach us to be grateful for the opportunity to serve others. The ability to be charitable is a blessing in itself.
Look for Extraordinary Blessings in Ordinary Life
Sometimes the greatest blessings we have in life are the small things.
Acknowledgement of big blessings is great, but there are hundreds of ways we are blessed that we don’t even realize. For instance, cleaning the house may seem like a chore (which it is), but if you think about it, if you didn’t have a home, you wouldn’t have one to clean. That simple reminder of a roof over your head and the ability to clean it can completely change the way you think about it.
Another example is groceries. I don’t know about you, but I hate grocery shopping. The store is always crowded and I hate running into someone in every aisle. But if I didn’t have groceries, I wouldn’t eat. So I have to stop and remind myself that even though the act of grocery shopping can be aggravating, the fact that I can afford groceries is a HUGE blessing.
There are millions of people across the world who would be so lucky to have the life I do.
We need to remind our children to take the same approach.
They may hate doing homework, but gently remind them that God has blessed them with the ability to go to school, pointing out that many children in foreign countries will never have the educational opportunities they have.
Or when they are helping with the dishes, remind them to thank God for the food they had to eat. Saying a prayer before your meal reinforces this concept.
If you start the task with a prayer of praise, everything that follows can be a reminder of what you truly have.
Teach Modesty
Christian stewardship is a concept that’s not reinforced enough.
The truth is, everything we have is a gift from God to use responsibly.
Too often we get caught up in the rat race of life, always trying to attain more. But if we stop and think about it, none of it is really ours, it was given to us for a greater use.
If we direct our efforts toward using our resources and blessings to honor Him, we are constantly reminded of how He wants us to spend our time and money.
Maybe He wants you to use a windfall to take your family on vacation, or maybe He wants you to donate it to someone in need. Either way, we need to discern His calling for how to spend what He has given us.
Children need the same reminder. If we find ourselves in possession of something valuable, we need to ask God to show us how to use it to not only help ourselves, but to help others too.
For kids, that may be sharing a special toy, helping a friend with lessons or by using our time to help someone in need. Our blessings are to be shared, not hoarded. This idea of stewardship is a great reminder of what we have and how it’s to be used to serve God.
Self Gratitude
Does your little one ever thank God for just being who they are?
We are created in His image and likeness, but we are all uniquely made.
What makes us special is that there is no one else on earth just like us. God created us for a special purpose and that gives our life dignity and value. Every skill we have, mental or physical, is a gift.
We need to use those gifts to make the world a better place, whether that’s in your home or out in the world. If you have a special talent, you can share it with your friends and family.
Even if you don’t have any particular skills, you are still a blessing to the people in your life. Teaching kids to value themselves (with humility) as a wonderful creation of God will give them the self-worth they will need as an adult. As the world tries to tear us down, especially as Christians, remind yourself that God made you on purpose. And for that, we should always be grateful.
BE Grateful
The single most important thing you can do to teach children gratitude is to BE grateful.
Children imitate adults. If you aren’t acting grateful, how can they learn to do so?
Say please and thank you everywhere you go, start your own gratitude journal, give your time to others, show them all of God’s wonderful creations and teach them to appreciate how much God provides for us.
Even if you are enduring a crisis or hardship, try to keep an attitude of gratitude always.
I have found that when I am going through something difficult, God has a way of reminding me to be thankful through my kids. I might be feeling sorry for myself because I can’t buy something, then my children will start acting the same way and I feel ashamed for teaching them that behavior.
God has a way of doing that to humble us.
Teaching kids the value of being grateful is a skill that will help shape them into better adults. As they grow, they will look for opportunities to show their appreciation towards others or try to be the reason someone is grateful for them.
If we can teach them while they are growing, we can grow them into teachers.
And that’s how we make changes that last through generations.
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